Honor Ralph

In the past 5 days I've cried soft cries, uncontrollable chest and belly cries, tear-less cries, tear filled snot nosed cries. I have gotten to the point where I am not constantly crying but I am most vulnerable to my thoughts when I am driving alone or when I lay in bed at night. I am still fearful that I won't see my Ralph again. I ask for signs from him and I've actually felt his presence which has brought me a some comfort. Friday afternoon when I drove my usual route home from work which I had for years, I was crying and saying out loud "I miss you Ralph" I looked to my left and saw a waving flag that said "HAPPY" with a paw print on it, there was a dog groomers that for all these years I had never noticed. Why did I notice the words "happy" with a paw print at this very moment? I felt like he was speaking to me, telling me he wanted me to be happy. To every dog lover to has reached out to me I appreciate your words. Nothing takes the pain away but it does mean something that you cared to send me thoughts. Here is to the journey in healing after losing my soulmate best furry friend. To anyone who ever saw us in person, you would see how deep our love ran and that we had a connection unlike any other. Love has no boundary between species and I believe he truly was a great love of my life which I never knew was possible. I say "a" love because I have many loves of my life all unique and all great to me. Before Ralph I did not even know dogs were so intelligent and capable of reading us and loving us back as much as we love them.

My mother looked at me with great concern last night said "honor Ralph by loving yourself as much as you loved him" because he would want that for you. I think I will try to write down as many memories of Ralph as I can but I will move it to the blog I had started dedicated to him which I never really got started. His passing has inspired me to recollect all the amazing and even challenging times. Now that I am older and also now that I have 2 children I am extremely busy taking care of them but my memory is not as strong. So I want to preserve what I can in writing. Head on over to the blog he is loved for future posts.

It was my mother who suggested I get a pet when living alone in San Diego. My friend Kevin and I decided to drive around to animals shelters on a Sunday afternoon. We took his gold/bronze Infinity and I believe our first stop was Escondido Humane Society. I did not see any dogs that I wanted to meet and in fact the person we spoke with kind of snickers at me that I would not find a small dog at a shelter. I was not feeling too hopeful when we left but we then headed to Helen Woodward Animal Shelter in Rancho Santa Fe. We signed in and walked through. I was only casually looking as I was not sure I was ready for the commitment of a pet. We did a round of the area where the dogs are kept. I had my eye one 2 dogs, Angie and Spirit. I did a meet and greet with Angie first who was a really friendly lovable pup. I think met Ralph was seemed aloof and more interested in escaping the room. Kevin was saying Angie was much more friendly but there was just something about Ralph that pulled me. Being a very indecisive person I kept thinking about how my house was my prepared for a dog nor had I any knowledge of caring for a dog plus I had not even studied for the final that I had the next day. I asked if I could place a hold on Ralph and they said they don't take holds. I took the leap of faith and filled out the paperwork. The person working in the office had to make an international phone call to my parents because they own the house to see if they are allowing a dog on their property. Thankfully because of the time difference my mother was just waking up in Hong Kong and was there to answer their phone call. She said of course and Spirit was officially mine on paper. After filling out the paperwork I went around their shop and bought him a bed, a collar and some food. Someone then brought that shy little pup out to me and to my surprise he jumped into my arms! Everyone in the office said that he knew he was coming home with me. He seemed so curious on the ride home in the backseat looking out the window.